Whether you’re checking ingredients in the shops, making decisions over Christmas presents or deciding how to wash your laundry, the choices seem endless.

And the thing with wanting to be as green as we can is that those of us with a hidden (or not-so-secret) perfectionist streak can end up beating ourselves up over every little detail…

So to be able to keep functioning and to save lots of time, we often find it’s best to make a decision and stick with it. That way, when well-meaning opinion-sharers do their evangelist bit, you can remain steady and calm, without feeling the need to argue your position or take on the guilt they’re unconsciously trying to offer you!

One of the decisions I made early on was to use washable nappies. 3 1/2 years ago I did a “nappy trial”, where we (ok the baby) tried out a range of 30 different reusable nappies. Of course I was hoping his botty would choose the organic cotton super-eco nappy, but the only one that didn’t make him scream was the brightly-coloured fleecy type.

I knew the fleece linings were made using non-renewable materials, but decided this was still a better choice than disposables. And, sure enough, they’re on baby number two and look like they still have plenty of life in them.

The other dilemma here was that the nappies, unlike cotton varieties, can’t be soaked between wearing and washing as it makes the fabric degrade. So I knew I’d have a stinkier nappy bucket to deal with than truly eco parents.

There are a number of side-effects to this, including the fact that I’m more likely to do a pre-wash / rinse and wash more often at higher temperatures.

It also caused me to develop my, personal, number one rule of green parenting:

Never breathe through your nose while sorting out the nappy wash.

I broke it this morning and the memory will stay with me all day!

So it got me wondering:

What are the rules you have created, to make being a greener parent easier? And what are the short-cuts you would recommend to others?

I’d love to hear your views via the comments box!

Thanks,
Clare

I wondered if she had actually read anything on my site.

After years of attending the big Vegas “Sex Shows,” it had become increasingly clear that my corporate mission, brand identity and personal beliefs about the connection between love and sex was a universe removed from both the intent and content of the adult industry.

Giving into curiosity, however, I opened the book to the first page, where the author compares the women we emulate, like Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Margaret Mead, with the famous women of the silver screen, the ones who bare it all: the stars of pornography. The author suggests that if we emulated these women (instead of great women’s rights leaders?) we would all enjoy the pleasures of the flesh. The plot thickens, as the author details everything from the hair, make up and costume choices of porn stars, to their borrowed positions and scripts, suggesting all of this in order to spice up one’s own love life.

Ironically on the same day, I got a lengthy email from a New York literary agent with whom I had been corresponding about publishing my work in book form. Having made contact with her through an editor at a large publishing house, I was anxious to hear her thoughts on how best to position my work. She said that although she liked my work, the idea of the work involved in building and maintaining sustainable relationships just wouldn’t sell nearly as well as a cute book about discovering and enjoying a more passionate life. “Couldn’t you just write a book about finding more passion? After all, you have this cute company that sells sex products…. Just downplay all the hard work in relationships, people don’t really want to read about that.”

It occurred to me to send her Sex Secrets of the Porn Stars.

I do sometimes feel that my tag line – “Making Love Sustainable” – is a little like pushing a big rock up a steep hill. We aren’t really a culture that applies the wisdom of sustainability to our most important relationships. Often when I use my tag line, there is a thoughtful pause, as though the idea were completely new. It isn’t just about promoting green and healthy products (although the adult industry could certainly do with a green washing of its standard ingredients). It is also about the deeper possibility that we might be willing to give up momentary happiness or the ease we expect our relationships to provide and actually commit to the work of making our relationships sustainable and lasting - perhaps with the same effort we might put into our homes, businesses and personal health.

How far our collective reality is from this sustainable love model is evidenced in our society’s demographics: from rising divorce statistics, to the trends of young people who choose to “hook up” or to be “friends with benefits” rather than engage in committed relationships, to the commonness of pornography in our lives. The percentages of people who participate in the on-line pornographic universe, for instance, are startling. One in four adults spends four or more hours per week in sexual experiences that are cut off from the relationships that define their lives. Many actually prefer these virtual relationships to the real ones that fill their homes. In a time when there has never been more opportunity and technology to connect to each other, we have never seen the incidence of this many people living alone.

That we don’t choose to stay in real love relationships is not that surprising, as loving another person is one of the most challenging and elevated skills that we are demanded to develop as human beings. Most of us come from families which gave us little useful information on how to love with longevity and commitment. And if you graduated from any public institution in this country, then you know how little relationship skills are provided in the standard K-12 curriculum. Even skills as basic as conflict resolution are rarely standard for children, compared with say, geometry. Given our collective history of warring and pillaging, you would think it might occur to our society that loving each other is not an ingrained quality in the human makeup. Rather than a sideline activity, it could be that teaching the skills of loving, relationship-building and conflict resolution could be something for which we try to achieve mastery.

Still, as complicated and messy as loving relationships can be, they are also a clear path that can provide the kind of mind-blowing, wow-that-was-amazing sex that we all long for most. Making love with someone who you deeply love is a singular experience that so unites the intimates involved that it transforms them. It is the proverbial glue that keeps the rest of the mess intact and inspires people to a compassion and kindness that they may not even know they are capable of. It is the truest part of what it means to be human and the act of love that accompanies it has the power to change the world.

And change the world it does. Loving someone is the largest single predictor for health and longevity. As Dr. Dean Ornish says: “Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well, what causes sadness and what brings happiness, what makes us suffer and what leads to healing…I am not aware of any other factor in medicine - not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery - that has a greater impact on our quality of life, incidence of illness and premature death from all causes.”

Love is the cure as well as the illness in our world, and evolving our ability to love increases not only our chances of survival but creates a depth and meaning in life that can only happen in relationship.

The healing effects of intimacy and connection extend deeply into the physical act of lovemaking. Hundreds of major medical studies have shown that an active sex life leads to a longer life, better heart health, a healthier immune response, reduction in chronic pain symptoms, lower rates of depression and even protection against some cancers. Men who have regular sex (only twice per week) have half as many heart attacks as men who only have sex once per month. In fact, a regular garden variety sex life has been shown to extend life by as much as ten years. People who enjoy a meaningful sex life are less anxious, fearful and inhibited.

So now that you are sold on the benefits of love and intimacy, let’s also reveal the unspoken truth about sustaining love over time: loving someone else and allowing yourself to be deeply loved is an act of heroic patience, intention and commitment. After the honeymoon wears off (and I promise it always does) we humans are all as annoying as we are loveable. Accepting this as fact and then building the skills to undertake the daily problem-solving of loving, is not only wise, but is also a prerequisite for enjoying the kind of sex that can change your world.

Understanding ourselves as sexual beings and building a language to explore who we are in these mysterious places is a large task.  For some people, the taboo of adding language to sexual acts keeps them silent and unfulfilled.   Even for me,  the loveologist that sells love products and can say the words “oral sex” to perfect strangers,  I can often find myself silent with my husband,  lacking the know how and the courage to describe my fantasies or describe the kind of touch that most moves me.

When I received my copy of “Getting the Sex You Want” by my friend Tammy Nelson, the director of the Center for Healing and Recovery and Passionate Partnerships  I was both  curious and a little skeptical.     Based on the couples therapy work she has been doing at her office in Connecticut, Tammy offers up some well known techniques and strategies for building the communication skills to connect with your partner.   The communications method, which is based on the work of Harville Hendrix’s work “Getting the Love You Want” felt a bit contrived at first, but she quickly demonstrates how basic communication skills applied to our intimate lives has the power to revolutionize what you are doing in the bedroom and quickly spills over into the rest of your relationship.

One example she shared of a husband who had so much shame about masturbation (and don’t we all share a bit of that…) experienced such a huge relief when he was finally able to talk about his needs of sharing the experience in their sex life together   The book was full of examples  and exercises to try by yourself or with your partner that demonstrated how a shared and agreed upon method of communicating about sex could easily turn into inspiring new found abilities to express sexual needs and desires.  I was so impressed with the book that I tried the technique myself later that week.   Things that I had never thought of saying to my husband suddenly seemed possible.

The first question that anyone going to a sex therapist asks is “Am I normal?”  This question and the fear of what it might mean if we deviate from normal in our sexuality can control our lives and our relationships.  Another book that has recently come across my desk ,  Tantra for Erotic Empowerment (by Michaels and Johnson) is an active workbook of sexual self discovery.  The books premise that giving and extending permission to experience ourselves as sexual beings without fear of shame or rejection is truly the ground work for profound change and acceptance in the entire relationship.

While I don’t have that much personal experience with Tantra practices,  I would say that anyone who is learning to love their partner in a long term relationship is bound  to encounter where the physical and spiritual worlds meet in lovemaking.   Understanding  our sexuality in the context of our human nature normalizes as well as sanctify this most mysterious form of human communication.  Unlike many books written about tantric practices, which can get really esoteric,  this one provides a clear map for the beginner as well as deeper insights for the tantric practioner.   Even if all the content is not for you, there are enough thought provoking exercises to keep the book interesting long after the sun sets.

If you haven’t already read a review about Bonk by Mary Roach, let me say that there is nothing quite like actual sex history to wake you up to the wide and and amazing world of human sexuality.   She is a meticulous researcher and has a genuine sense of humor that alleviates any embarrassment you might be feeling about reading about the extremely checkered history that our discomfort with our sexuality has created through the centuries.  It will probably help you feel better about the places you are still stuck, and if you ever wondered where some of the far out porn fantasies came from- read sex history.   Even if you don’t want to own this book, reserve it at your local library.  Some fun fact from the book will spur some exciting discussion at your next barbeque.

Here’s to a summer memorable for how we all learn to love more and show it in ways that will keep you connected long into winter.

The other gravity of life takes hold at these moments that often usher in serious injury and grave tragedy.  We are never prepared for the end of anything, even if we are fully aware of the statistics and uncertainty that qualify life.   How could we go about the fullness of life’s activities and challenges expecting tragedy to fall with the even handedness that the universal law of gravity metes out?    In order to keep it all going, we  move forward with the naïve expectation that the difficult and challenging experiences in life only happen to other people, not to us.   Sooner or later, even the luckiest among us joins the ranks of surviving.

I had just started reading I Will Not Be Broken by Jerry White, the day before I spent the night in the emergency room.   I have suffered illnesses and diseases with my children before, some that seemed like they would define life forever.   I remembered his words about how when people suffer a major loss of any kind, they all carry  a date.  This is the moment when tragedy, loss and surviving transformed their lives.   As I sat in the  ICU waiting room, hearing hushed conversations around me,  I knew that some of that date setting was going on right there.  I felt so grateful that all I had in front of me in the middle of the night is getting a girl through summer without the pool.

That is another phenomenon of tragedy that happens for most of us.  We often end up comparing our loss to those of others we know or have heard of.   Even in the most dire of circumstances,   survivors find gratitude,  their problem is manageable compared to people they know.   Jerry White, himself was the victim of life changing loss when early in his twenties, he lost his lower leg in a minefield outside of Jerusalem.  His book is an account of the years he has spent founding the Survivors Corp and he shares the gravity and grief of daily life on planet earth along with  remarkable stories of resiliency.

Tragedy and loss is not limited to bodily events,  the emotional wreckage that can result from dysfunctional relationships is no less an issue of survivorship than losing a limb as I was recently reminded from one of my readers.   She asked me to write of the loss and trauma of reinventing a life after being left and abandoned in her long term relationship. I hear these kinds of stories everyday,  where the heart can become so bruised that we become unable to feel, unable to risk expressing love,  isolated with our fears and loneliness.   Finding the courage and the heart to rebuild a life that has meaning and brings joy requires the same skills of survivorship which begin by giving up being a victim and choosing life.

The universal law of gravity is based on the fundamental force of attraction between bodies (objects of mass) which is what gravity in life should teach us.   We are all in this together and reacting to the losses that we sustain with the ability to reach out and give back is the basis on which we not only survive, but thrive.   Often it is not until the world seems to be coming apart that we begin to feel both compassion and connectedness to people, both that we know and that are strangers who have experienced a loss like ours.

Early stages of recovery from tragedy happen as we lose our sense of being a victim and realize that we belong.  Joining groups of people who share similar experiences is a profoundly healthy response to finding meaning in your own experience.   Settling into a new and different life experience is heightened and more rewarding when we risk offering our help to others just beginning their journey.

Experiencing our brokenness is where we get a heart that is cracked wide open.   A heart that has the both the strength to grieve,  the courage to forgive,  the tenacity to live in gravity.

This post is just going to be brief but after so many good luck wishes from everyone I wanted to give a quick update on how it all went. My original post, ‘Planning a hand-made, eco wedding‘, gives more details about what went into preparing our big day.

I suppose one of the things about planning an ethical wedding is that many people are curious about what it will be like. I think quite a few of our guests were really expecting something unusual but in fact it was traditional in many ways.

It was great for us that people entered into the spirit of the day so happily, some of our older guests said they enjoyed it because it reminded them of the simple, family weddings they used to go to when they were children. One of our friends even recycled part of our invitation to put into her wedding card.

The maypole cake and chocolate cupcakes looked beautiful and went down a treat. Everyone loved the food and organic wine and nothing went to waste!

On the morning of the wedding we picked up the flowers and took the hall keys to the caterer. Our caterer was excited that she’d bought so much local food from the market that morning and the florist made a point of writing down where the flowers had been sourced - “Flowers and foliage from Leiston Suffolk, Spalding Lincolnshire, Penryn Cornwall”.

For our honeymoon we went to Brussels on the Eurostar and then on to Amsterdam on the Thalys train. We hadn’t travelled on the new Eurostar from St Pancras before and I have to say I was impressed that there was organic and fairtrade food and drink on the menu. Their information also says that they are constantly reviewing their environmental performance, reducing waste and increasing the use of biodegradable packaging. OK, so this statement isn’t quantifiable but its a start, right?

It’s strange to think that after so many months of planning, preparation and creating your day is over in a flash. Of course it isn’t really because it’s just the foundation of a new commitment you’ve made to each other for many, many more days to come.

Ironically on the same day, I got a lengthy email from a New York literary agent that I had been corresponding with about publishing my work in book form.  Having made contact with her through a possible editor at a large publishing house I was anxious to hear her thoughts on how best to format the work.  She said although she liked my work, the relationship angle on the work involved in building and maintaining a sustainable relationships just wouldn’t sell nearly as well as a cute book about discovering and enjoying a more passionate life.  “Couldn’t you just write a book about finding more passion?  After all, you have this cute company that sells sex products…. Just downplay   all the hard work in relationships, people don’t really want to read about that.”

It occurred to me to send her “Sex Secrets of the Porn Stars”.  

I do sometimes feel like promoting my tag line of  “Making Love Sustainable” is a little like pushing a big rock up a steep hill.   We aren’t really a culture that applies the wisdom of sustainability to our most important relationships.  Often when I say it,  there is a thoughtful pause, as though the idea were completely new.  It isn’t just about promoting green and healthy products although the adult industry could certainly do with a green washing of it’s standard ingredients.   The deeper recognition is the idea that we might be willing to give up momentary happiness or the ease we expect our relationships to provide and actually commit to the work of making our relationships sustainable and lasting, with the same effort we would put into our homes, businesses and health. 

How far our collective reality is from this sustainable love model is evidenced in all of our cultural demographics from rising divorce statistics to the trends of young people who choose to “hook up” or be “friends with benefits” rather than engage in a committed relationship, to how common place pornography has become in our lives.   The percentages of people who participate in the on-line pornographic universe is startling- One in four adults spend four or more hours per week in sexual experiences that are cut off from the relationships that define their lives.  Many actually prefer these virtual relationships to the real live ones that fill their homes.  In a time when there has never been more opportunity and technology to connect to each other, we have never seen the incidence of this many people living alone.  

 That we don’t choose and stay in real love relationships is not that surprising as loving people is one of the most challenging and elevated skills that we are demanded to  develop as human beings.  Most of us come from families which gave us little useful information on the topic and if you are graduated from any public institution in the land,  then you know how little relationship skills are provided in the standard k-12 curriculum.  Even skills as basic as conflict resolution are not nearly as standard for children as geometry.  Given our collective history of war and pillage, you would think it might occur that loving each other is not ingrained in the human model, and that like other coveted skill groups we would set this as our highest level of mastery. 

Still, as complicated and messy as loving relationships can be, they are also the only avenue available to us that can provide the kind of mind blowing, “Wow- that was amazing”  sex that we all long for most.  Making love with someone that you deeply love is a singular experience that so unites the intimates involved that it transforms them. It is the proverbial glue that keeps the rest of the mess intact and inspires people to compassion and kindness that they may not even know they are capable of.   It is the truest part of what it means to be human and the act of love that accompanies it has the power to change the world.  

And change the world it does.    Loving someone is the largest single predictor or health and longevity.  As Dr. Dean Ornish said  “Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well, what causes sadness and what brings happiness, what makes us suffer and what leads to healing…I am not aware of any other factor in medicine- not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery- that has a greater impact on our quality of life, incidence of illness and premature death from all causes.”   Love is the cure as well as the illness in our world, and evolving our ability to love, increases not only our chances of survival but creates a depth and meaning in life that only happens in relationships.

The healing affects of intimacy and connection extend deeply into the physical act of lovemaking. Hundreds of major medical studies have shown that an active sex life leads to a longer life, better heart health, a healthier immune response, reduction in chronic pain symptoms, lower rates of depression and even protection against some cancers. Men who have regular sex (only twice per week) have half as many heart attacks as men who only have sex once per month. In fact, a regular garden variety sex life has been shown to extend life by as much as ten years. People who enjoy a meaningful sex life are less anxious, fearful and inhibited.

So now that you are sold on the benefits of  love and intimacy,  lets also reveal the unspoken truth  about sustaining love over time, which  is that loving someone else and allowing yourself to be deeply loved is an act of heroic patience, intention and commitment.   After the honeymoon wears off, (and I promise it always will)  we humans  are all as annoying as we are loveable.   Accepting that as fact and then building the skills to undertake the daily problem solving of loving,  is not only wise, but a prerequisite for enjoying the kind of sex that can change your world.  Stay tuned here as we continue to explore new regions of the heart and the delights of sustainable love.  Please Share your stories of keeping your love vital and healthy too.

This post originally seen at www.realitysandwich.com/sustainable_love  has created quite a stir.  The range of experiences and beliefs about what love means is some of the most fascinating and deeply revealing reading we can do.  Check it out and let me know what you think.

Right from the start we wanted our wedding to reflect our everyday values and beliefs, how we live and work. Although we didn’t tell anyone until the summer, our plans started last spring, looking for all of the main wedding necessities - a place to have the ceremony, a place to celebrate and someone to provide food.

Ceremonies & Celebrations

Finding a place to have the ceremony was easy, neither of us wanted to get married in church and the cost of using a hotel or other licenced venue ruled that out immediately. So, register office it was to be. We didn’t choose the one in Nottingham city as it isn’t very pretty and would be further for our families to travel so we chose one in a nearby town which has a walled garden and is just as easy to get to via public transport.

Party Venue
Looking for a place to celebrate and a caterer went hand in hand because of course the venue needed the facilities to prepare and serve food and the caterer had to be happy working in the chosen venue. It took me a little while to catch on to the idea of having a celebration in a village hall, I don’t know why but I think I originally got the idea from an Ethical Weddings blog post. I had spend days and days scouring the internet for a suitable place in Nottinghamshire, again hotels were just too expensive and many places wanted to provide their own food but I was determined to find an ethical caterer of our own.

Ethical Caterer
Luckily after the great realisation that a village hall would be just right for us, I narrowed it down to two possibilities, visited them both and chose one immediately, a charity run hall not far from the register office. In-between times I was glued to my computer searching for a suitable caterer and in Nottinghamshire that isn’t easy. I think in total I found 3 caterers that could provide local, organic and fair trade food but when I called Cate from C8TER I need look no further. Right from the start Cate reassured me with her friendly, professional and flexible approach and her attention to detail. She’s knowledgable about sourcing local and organic food and after sampling her cooking I’m really looking forward to the meal on the day!

Dressing Up

Luckily, finding a dress happened quite quickly, although I expected it to be difficult. In fact initially I didn’t see myself with a traditional wedding dress and thought I would buy a pretty organic cotton dress or something similar. However, wedding fever soon took over and I got carried away with the idea of having a bridal gown. At this point I can’t say too much as Jez hasn’t seen the dress and I don’t want to give anything away.

Oxfam Bridal
Once I knew I was going to get a wedding dress I also knew where I wanted to buy it - Oxfam Bridal. So, last July my mum and I excitedly set off to Leicester where the nearest Oxfam Bridal store is. Unfortuntaly I didn’t find the dress for me on that first trip but I was heartened and encouraged by how nicely they had set up that separate part of the shop and the variety of gowns. The next nearest Oxfam Bridal shop is in Bradford and that shopping trip was the ultimate in making the most of public transport - All tied in with a business meeting and a visit to see some friends I managed to get from Bradford train station to the Oxfam store, pick a dress, try it on, buy it and get back on the train all in about 30 minutes! I was so pleased that I’d found something that was just right and was really impressed with the choice and facilities in the Oxfam shop. The staff there were excited and fussy which made it even more special.

I realise that for some people the thought of buying their bridal gown from a charity shop sounds terrible but its probably the single item that I’m most pleased with and I’m so happy that I did manage to find it at Oxfam.

Bouquets and Posies
I had a mixed experience trying to find a suitable florist for my bouquet. Initially I was going plant some tulip bulbs in the garden, ask our families to do the same and make my own bunch of flowers nearer to the time. Then I came to my senses and realised I know absolutely nothing about keeping or arranging flowers once they’ve been plucked from the ground and decided to seek professional advice.

I spoke to a few different florists, some of whom were sympathetic to the idea of having a green and ethical wedding and others who just looked baffled when I asked about locally sourced flowers. I’m not picky, I think all flowers are beautiful and so I wasn’t going to dictate exactly the type of flower I wanted as long as it was grown as nearby as possible and were roughly in the colours I wanted. I chose a florist called The Rose Bower in the end because they were the most helpful and were willing to find out what seasonal, locally grown flowers would be available at this time of year before I’d even decided to use them. I can’t wait to see mine and Beth’s (my bridesmaid, niece & guest GGG editor) tulip bouquets when I go to collect them on the morning and they will have only travelled from the next county, Lincolnshire.

Invitations & Decorations

After organising the food and venues the rest of the planning was quite easy. I love making things and wanted something individual, so I decided from the start that I would make the invitations, menus, favours, name places and decorations myself.

Bunting!
The village hall is quite typical in that it really needs a lick of paint and looks quite grubby in daylight but I like a challenge and so last September Jez, his mum, my parents and I went off armed with notepads and tape measures to figure out how we could transform it into a beautiful place to celebrate. From then on I spent months finding large pieces of fabric and sheets to drape around the room, some from charity shops and some from ebay. I also bought some pink, yellow, green and white cotton to make my own bunting. I have metres and metres of the stuff and my friends at our craft group, Stitched Up, found it quite amusing that this cotton bunting never seemed to end!

I love bunting, it always seems to cheer me up. I’ve even had a small piece hanging up in the house for a few weeks.

RSVP
Because the venue is near to a maypole (which I used to run around and around when I was little) we’ve ended up with a maypole theme and the spring colours lemon, pink and green. So, I was very lucky when I asked my graphic designer friend if she could design me a motif for invites, menus etc using that theme. What she came up with was beautiful and I just what I wanted. I bought all of the recycled card, paper and envelopes I needed from Eco Craft who delivered it very quickly.

We asked our guests to RSVP via a website we’d built. The website also provides details of transport, directions, local hotels and so on to save from using up any more paper than necessary.

Tables, Favours & Name Cards
Aside from card for invites and menus I bought some lovely recycled paper which has confetti embedded in it. From this I made little origami boxes (which I talked about in my ‘Origami Genius!’ post) and will put in each of them a bulb from my Dad’s garden - these are our guests’ favours.

The name places are hand made, natural fruit lollipops with no artificial colours or flavours from sweetstall.com and I have added little labels to each one for our guests with a little picture. Jez and I have a house rabbit so our labels have loved-up bunnies on them, ahhhh. The others have butterflies, hearts and flowers.

Also, to decorate the tables we painted some plant pots white and decorated them with our colours and theme and soon I will be planting in them primroses or another spring flower which have been grown by a gardener just a few miles down the road.

The day before the wedding myself, Jez and an army of sisters and nieces and my mum and dad will spend the day putting all of these decorations together, hopefully creating a lovely room for eating, drinking and dancing.

Cake, Wine & Water

One of the nicest things about planning a wedding is that people really want to help and be involved. Jez’s mum is brilliant at making and decorating cakes and there was no question that she would be making ours. We decided to go for a traditional fruit cake (with organic ingredients) as well as Fairtrade chocolate cupcakes. Jez’s mum and I spent a lovely weekend making all of the little white sugar flowers for the main cake and hearts and butterflies for the cupcakes.

Guests will will take home slices of cake in pretty white recycled card boxes from The Tiny Box Company. Rachel at The Tiny Box Company was so obliging, helping me to choose the right size box and keep within my budget - This was the very last thing I bought and so I didn’t want to spend too much. It was a very speedy delivery too so I didn’t need to worry about any last minute hitches.

The bubbly and wine is all organic and Fairtrade and one of the types we have chosen is an English wine from Pennard Organic Vineyard.

I’m also extremely happy that we even managed to find eco friendly bottled water thanks to our Green Guy Gareth’s post ‘Bottled Water: Environmental Disaster?‘ . In that article Gareth mentions Belu Water, a carbon neutral company whose profits go towards clean water projects. So, I contacted Belu who very helpfully found me a local supplier, Lee & Fletcher, who delivered the water to my door in just a couple of days!

I Do!

The rings are the last thing I’m going to talk about although I’m sure I must have forgotten something. I’ll probably give an update afterwards anyway so I can show pictures of the decorated venue and my dress, which won’t be a secret by then.

Looking for rings was quite a strange experience. We wanted to get antique or second hand rings because that is the greenest option available - I always work on that principle and used it throughout the wedding planning. I guess we were a little niaive thinking that we’d be able to pop into one of the many antique shops in Nottinghamshire, pick up two gold wedding bands and be on our way. Apparently this isn’t the case.

After going into a few shops, looking at every other type of antique ring but finding no wedding rings one lady told me that they just don’t sell them because people are too superstitious to buy them. She said that if a wedding band was brought to the shop it just got sent for scrap! What a waste! I was so disappointed. However, the internet is a fantastic thing and after a quick search I not only found John Clive Jewellers but two perfect second hand rings in exactly the right size!

When I look back I’m proud of what we’ve achieved. Not everything is 100% green, we’re having a fancy car to take us to the register office and a disco in the evening but all-in-all I think we’ve done really well.

I’ll be in touch again at the end of April to let you know how it all went!

Don’t let the world into your nest.  Guard the sanctity of the space by keeping the world at bay at the door.  I know there are many late night TV lovers who will argue the point here, but I still say that a television in the bedroom is one voice too many, especially if you are in a committed relationship that is fragmented by the busyness of life.  Same goes for newspapers and news magazines.  Watch and read in the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom if you must, but leave the bedroom to the wonder of silence and soft voices.  (OK, I will give into a little night music sometimes, but not a radio…).  The older I get the more convinced I am that life must provide a retreat or we wither on the vine.   There are numerous sleep studies that back me up on this- screens and sleep are incompatible and of little help in jump starting an intimate life.  

There are an abundance of resources on greening your home, so if you are already in that groove, then I apologize for preaching to the choir.  But if you are just beginning to apply the benefits of sustainability to your living space, there is no more satisfying place to start than your bedroom.   Your bed is the place that you spend almost as many hours as any other place in your life.  If you are up for a new one, look for all those cool natural materials that don’t off-gas – like wool, organic cotton or natural latex.  It’s pricey but you’re worth it.  Also if you are going to spring for any luxury in life, make it cotton sheets- organic preferably, but truly the difference over time of beloved cotton sheets compared with the poly-cotton versions are dream worlds apart.  (Check out the options at www.ecobedroom.com)  

Without beating a dead drum it is worth repeating what most of us already know:  We are one of the most exhausted cultures of all time;  so much for all the leisure time that our new information age/economy was going to provide.  Celebrate the gift of rest and how incredible it feels to wake up refreshed.  The world really does look different through fresh eyes, although admittedly this is a practice that I wish I was better at.

For many of us,  it is challenging to feed our need for intimacy and physical contact with the same energy that we bring to the selection and preparation of our food shopping and cooking habits.  Giving your time to composting and recycling is no different than finding the space to air out your feelings.  Making commitments to simplify your life and reducing impact on the environment requires the same amount of mental energy as constructing the space and time for deep and meaningful interactions in your days.

The healing affects of intimacy and connection extend deeply into the physical act of lovemaking.  Hundreds of major medical studies have shown that an active sex life leads to a longer life, better heart health, a healthier immune response, reduction in chronic pain symptoms, lower rates of depression and even protection against some cancers. Men who have regular sex (only twice per week) have half as many heart attacks as men who only have sex once per month. In fact, a regular garden variety sex life has been shown to extend life by as much as ten years. People who enjoy a meaningful sex life are less anxious, fearful and inhibited.   Greening your love and your bedroom has the power to extend out to the world in ways that we can barely imagine. It’s a worthy practice that can only make life more sustainable.

If, like me, you are knee deep in the mid-life dip then imagine your  relationship and your capacity to love as tools to stretch out the curve and soften the bottom of this bumpy life transition.   Remember the intensity of the love you invested in easier times and bank on it now, even if you can’t always feel it. The initial investment is still there. Take the time out of the busy schedule to listen, take a walk, or have a physical conversation.  Reach forward in time and realize how golden this will all feel when looking backwards.  Admittedly sometimes I can’t imagine it ever feeling golden, but I do know that there is a tenderness and connection that replaces and restores the bruises of moving through hard times.   No matter where you are in the life cycle of love, commit yourself to finding the love that surrounds you.

I started Good Clean Love in search of healthy and clean products for myself.  Good love products should make touching, kissing and smelling each other better.  They should be made with natural ingredients that actually interact with your brain and don’t leave nasty and sticky residue on your skin. The products you use for love, should make you feel like you are loving yourself and as far as I am concerned that leaves petro- chemicals and parabens out of the mix.  Surprisingly over 90% of the OTC lubes available are made with chemicals designed first for cars or oven cleaner.  Many women have severe reactions to these products and because they are all made with the same base ingredients, many women come to the false conclusion that they don’t like sex.   (It’s the products…)

Using good love products that are made with natural ingredients should invite the healthy exploration of touch and scent that can often be a more easily understood form of communication.   Sometimes it is good to give our words and voices a rest and let our bodies lead us to the communicating and bonding that they carry inside.  In fact, after decades of marriage, I would say that it is through the physical conversations that I connect with my husband in ways that words can’t come close.  This connection is where sex is making love.

Scent is the most basic reflex we have when it comes to sexual attraction.  Try and imagine kissing someone who smells bad to you…. Love products that capitalize on true scent are actually waking up the limbic part of your brain, where memory, sexuality and emotion are conveniently stored.  The gentle nudge of scents gets that arousal mechanism going and after kissing and massaging with aphrodisiac scents, your imagination (which is a really important sex organ) lets loose.  Cleopatra knew this, she was known to make love on a bed of rose petals 10 inches deep.

Lubrication is at the core of good feelings in sexuality.  When you are young and fit, it is a natural mechanism that just happens, reminding you that you feel sexy.  As we age and experience more of life’s cycles (kids, nursing, illnesses and some medications) we often don’t get those messages from our body.  The cool thing, or well the fresh thing is this,  you can apply a good and natural lube to your body and wake up those arousal feelings yourself.  Your body can teach your brain at least as effectively as your brain teaching the body.   And face it,  any body part that is oiled, wet, slick and smooth is sexier than the same body part dry.

Dig into Valentines Day with your whole body and pay attention to the ingredients- your most sensitive tissue deserves healthy and green products too.